Losing
Dad
When my daughter was conceived we found out
her birthday would be August 24, which would have been my father’s birthday.
She was born on August 23, but she would have hung on until the 24th
had we let her. So as I sit here on the afternoon of August 23, contemplating
another year of my beautiful daughter’s life and staring down the barrel of
another missed birthday that we would be celebrating for my father – I reflect.
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| My Dad and I when I was about the age of my son now |
I remember years ago, when a friend of mine
lost her dad, she asked me if it ever gets easier. My impulse response was no,
but you learn to cope. I really believe that when a daughter loses their dad,
they lose a little piece of their heart that never, ever gets replaced. As time
has passed I have learnt to cope with the pain, but it is always present.
Over the years there have been so many
little moments that have always reminded me that dad is around. I have no real
belief system in the afterlife, but I have had continual reminders that he is
around. By dad had a wicked Irish sense of humor. He swore like a trooper and
had he still been alive, he would have had the biggest following on Pinterest
for ‘Tim memes.’
I have had many reminders of his humor and
his love for me. There was the time I found myself at a very random psychic
expo, about a year after we lost dad. A lady came up to me and started talking
to me out of the blue. She straight up told me that I had recently lost my dad
and that he needed me to get a message to mum. He wanted her to know that he
was surprised at how sudden and early his death was, but that he was ok and
that he was with his own mum. Where she got the information from is, and still
is, irrelevant to me. I instantly knew that dad was by my side and always would
be.
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| Dad and his mother (my grandmother), Rene. |
At the end of the night, when we headed
back to our cabin, a black dog passed in front of us as we drove up
the hill. A few weeks later, the curiosity got the better of me and I emailed
the Bunya Mountains rangers who assured me that no dogs would be in the forest
as it is protected. My dad will always be there for me to visit when I need to.
Over the years I have discovered that my dad
has a unique way of being there for me. For the birth of my first child, Josie,
I finally succumbed to an epidural after 20 or so hours of labour. In some
surreal moment of serendipity, the man sent to administer the epidural for me
that day was called Tim O’Brien – this was my father’s name. My angel. Needless
to say I absolutely lost my shit and my poor mother had to explain my sudden
hysteria to this unwitting doctor.
There have been so many moments in my life
that my father has missed and for which I feel deep sadness, like the birth of
my children, my marriage and that of my brother, and even ill health. But more
importantly he’s missed the day-to-day stuff like building a fence, sorting out
a car, or helping with my yard. You know, the dad stuff.
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| My brother, Nick, walked me down the aisle at my wedding and my Uncle Mick, spoke on my father's behalf. For both my brother and I, it was a bitter sweet moment. Photo credit: http://stewartross.com.au/ |
Over this past week, three of our clients
have lost their dads and each time I hear of this loss I can connect deeply
with the pain they must feel. And for whatever comfort this may bring I say to
you this…know that he is always with you, looking out for you. He will send
messages in his own special way. I truly believe this. No matter what your
belief system, just have faith in your connection and love.
Most importantly, create your rituals
around remembering him, or any parent or family member for that matter. For his birthday,
I will have a Bundy Rum and Coke, as will my brother, and we will remember the
man that took a little piece of my heart with him when he went to sleep that
day at the very young and vibrant age of 56.
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| Dad, in his earlier years, made health choices that ultimately led to his early death. This contributes to my very strong desire to help people turn their lives around and make better choices so they can enjoy many more years with their families. |
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| My brother, my mum and I. After losing dad. Photo credit: http://stewartross.com.au/ |
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