Letting
go…
I’ve
been mulling over this topic for almost a week now. I have written this in my
head three or four times. The concept of letting go can be applied to so many
things, but the outcome of not letting go seems to have the same consequence –
no matter what the object or circumstance is that we need to ‘let go’, the
consequence will always be failure to grow.
As
a coach, I see the consequence of my clients holding on to things from their
past manifest itself in so many ways, all of these things leading to a less
than satisfying or happy life. It also means they are not allowing themselves
to:
1. Learn and grow from that experience,
2. Live a beautiful life, and
3. Achieve the goals they come to me for in the first
place.
Letting go of people –
How
often do we cling to a friendship or a person who we know is causing us grief,
sadness, stress or anger? I do it all the time. I want to help people SO badly
that I maintain contact with them long after they are gone. Reaching out,
trying to help them, trying to inspire them, thinking about them and ways that
I may be able to help them. I recently realised that sometimes I have to let
go. Either the time is not right for them or perhaps I am just not the right
person for them.
And
that really is ok.
Letting go of relationships –
I
have seen so many people living in unhappy marriages, friendships and
relationships because they believe that it’s either their destiny or they
believe they can fix that person or that relationship. What if all relationship
journeys had a start and finish point and we actually had NO control over it,
like it was pre-determined?
Making the decision to walk away
from a seemingly happy marriage with two children was one of the most
excruciatingly difficult decisions my ex-husband and I ever had to make.
Interestingly, the relationship is better now that we are not trying to force
something that had sadly run its course. We both knew that we had a
responsibility to model a healthy relationship for our children and by staying
together, we were not staying true to this value that we both very firmly
agreed upon and believed in.
And
that really is ok.
We still are, and always be a family. Rob is an incredible father and we continue to do things as a family. Our separation does not need to impact the kids. |
Letting go of identity –
One
of my biggest hurdles as a coach is helping someone understand that the
identity they hold onto may actually be holding them back from achieving their
goals. To surge forward there needs to be a process of ‘letting go’ of that
identity. I had to let go of the identity I had created for myself – that I was
a small girl who couldn’t lift much. Hence the nickname Ronnie Coleman was
created.
But
more seriously, I have seen clients hold onto traumas from their past that severely
impacted their own self-belief. Clients who believe their identity is a certain
body shape (for example, “I am the fat mum.”) prevents their ability to move
forward, and even clients who identify with certain moods or emotional states
struggle to experience true joy in their achievements.
What
if we allowed ourselves to acknowledge these events in our past as exactly that
– PAST – and let them go? Or even better, utilised those experiences to learn,
grow and help others, and to become the best version of ourselves through our
experiences or trauma. It genuinely frightens me when I have a client who is
unable to let go of their identity, because I know they get ONE single shot at
this life, and if they could let go of the identity they hold onto, their life
could be magical.
And
that really is ok!
Letting go of experiences –
I
was having coffee with my son Sam this morning. He’s 6 years old and I am
completely smitten with him. I was thinking about his childhood, whilst also
thinking about this blog and I realised that I had to go through a process with
him of letting go of our earliest days together. In our early days, I had an
extremely traumatic experience with him as a baby for a period of almost 18
months. There is nothing I can say that truly explains how bad it was, you just
have to take my word for it. But I remember spending some time with a baby
expert when we had exhausted all other avenues and were absolutely desperate.
We had been released from sleep school having ‘failed’ that process, no books
could help us, no doctors, nothing.
Whilst
this baby expert couldn’t solve our sleep problems, what she did do was provide
an environment where I could sit with Sam, connect with him as a mother and
son, fall in love with him again and let go of the resentment, the trauma, the
bad feelings and the experiences I had with him. I remember reflecting on this
experience with Sam’s dad afterwards and we both agreed that what this expert
did for us was allow us to connect with our son.
Sam spent the majority of his first 18 months attached to Rob or I in some form. He had to stay upright due to his silent reflux. |
Now
that the fog has lifted, what it actually did was allow me to let go and move
forward. I wonder what my relationship with Sam would be like now had someone
not taken me through this process and given me permission to let go of the
experience? Letting go of this experience allowed me to become the mother I am
today.
And
that really is ok.
So, how do I let go?
Why
this piece came about was because I am currently finding a particular
transition quite difficult – letting go of complete control of Ritual HQ, my
third baby. For five years now, this business has been my sole responsibility.
I have kept it alive through the highs and lows and have given my heart, soul
and everything I own to this place. However, it is time to let my team step in
and take control so I can grow and expand Ritual HQ.
My
team have got this. I know that deep in my heart. I know that the day-to-day
operations are 100% safe in their hands, led by my partner Tyler. But until I
let go, they can’t fully embrace the opportunity and the challenge. Tyler and the
team know how important this is. They love this business as much as I do and
that’s how I know the time is right to let them take control. It doesn’t mean I
am exiting stage right. What it means though is that now I can start to focus
on the bigger dreams that we have for Ritual HQ and for our community. If I
don’t let go I can’t grow, and neither can Ritual HQ.
And
you know what – it really is going to be ok!
nice post
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